Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
