McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
