its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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