she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
