Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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