I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
