That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
