Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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