He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
