Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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