The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
