He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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