Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
