Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
