He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm at about main and main street
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
