70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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