very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
