that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I need moral support for this bender
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
