You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
