Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
