I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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