You just made me feel so damn special
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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