you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
