Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
