I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
