It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
