6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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