Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
