sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
