It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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