I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
