Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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