You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
