Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
