good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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