I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
