How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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