I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
