i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
