At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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