He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
