I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
