I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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