Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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