Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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