some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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