Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
