Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
