We won't sleep together?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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