just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
