cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
