When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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