the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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